Apr.
29
Labour Day 2011 – 50 things you would love to say out loud at work…
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I can see your point, but I still think you’re full of shit
- I don’t know what your problem is, but I’ll bet it’s hard to pronounce
- How about never? Is never good for you?
- I see you’ve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public
- I’m really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way
- Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
- I’m out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message
- I don’t work here. I’m a consultant
- It sounds like English, but I can’t understand a word you’re saying
- Ahhhh. I see the fuck-up fairy has visited us again
- I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid
- You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers
- I have plenty of talent and vision; I just don’t give a shit
- I’m already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth
- I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you
- Thank you. We’re all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view
- The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist
- Any resemblance between your reality and mine are purely coincidental
- What am I? Flypaper for freaks?!
- I’m not being rude. You’re just insignificant
- It’s a thankless job, but I’ve got a lot of Karma to burn off
- Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial
- And your cry-baby whiny-arsed opinion would be?
- Do I look like a fucking people person to you?
- This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting
- I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left
- Sarcasm is just one more service we offer
- If I throw a stick, will you leave?
- Errors have been made. Others will be blamed
- Whatever kind of look you were aiming for, you missed
- Oh I get it. Like humour, but different…
- An office is just a mental institute without the padded walls
- Can I swap this job for what’s behind door…?
- Too many freaks, not enough circuses
- Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
- Chaos, panic, and disorder. My work here is done
- How do I set a laser printer to stun?
- I thought I wanted a career; it turns out I just needed the money
- I’ll try being nicer if you’ll try being more intelligent
- Wait a minute – I’m trying to imagine you with a personality
- Aren’t you a black hole of need?
- I’d like to help you out, which way did you come in?
- Did you eat an extra bowl of stupid this morning?
- Why don’t you slip into something more comfortable? Like a coma
- If you have something to say raise your hand… then place it over your mouth
- I’m too busy, can I ignore you some other time?
- Don’t let your mind wander, it’s too small to be let out on its own
- Have a nice day, somewhere else
- You’re not yourself today, I noticed the improvement straight away
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Do you hear that? That’s the sound of no-one caring.
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